The Takeover

My family has been acting strangely lately. My son can't seem to walk properly, but rather bounces around in a way that almost looks like dancing. My daughter stares at walls immersed in imaginary tales. And the most concerning – my husband spends every evening before bed sporadically laughing and gasping, with his eyes fixated on nothing.

Just what is going on in my family? What has control of my family? Is it some evil force, leaving only one person in the household with awareness of others?

Maybe.

I had no clue that my life would be like a 3-month episode of the Twilight Zone when I lovingly selected Christmas gifts for my family.

iPods

...the powerful little device that allows you to tune out the world, mothers and wives included.

Every time I'm in the mood for conversation, it requires walking in the path of a dancing boy, interrupting a really good story, or waiting patiently for a convenient pause in the commentary of a podcast, with my husband's finger held up. It is the wait-just-a-minute index finger to which I refer!

For a few brief seconds, the trance is broken. My question or comment is addressed in as few syllables possible, only to have the attention from each family member quickly redirected to secret information delivered by white wire once again.

I was starting to feel a bit lonely. I tried talking to the dogs. While I appreciated the intent listening, it wasn't quite the same. The cats might have as well had their own iPod. Cats are woman's best friend only if she has catnip.

I decided I was going to beat this hostile takeover. My strategy was perfect. I had devised a plan to bypass the enemy and deliver my message directly to the prisoners, successfully breaking them from their trance. It was a bit risky; I was going to deliver my message, using the enemy's own communication powers.

I was going to make my own podcast.

Mom's Podcast.
Daily downloads of important stuff you need to know if you are a part of this family.

It was truly the perfect plan and the last chance to save my family.

Then one of the prisoners broke out of their trance just long enough to deliver a message, holding a strange object in their hand.

It was a headphone splitter, accompanied by the words, “Would you care to listen too?”

“Yes, I would.”

I'll make a podcast another day.